For a while now I’ve felt pretty zonked from trying to keep up with myself all the time; my brain is going at one racing speed, my energy levels at a slower pace, and my creativity is somewhere in the middle trying to stretch itself accordingly.
I love being active and doing things, I love being creative and working on exciting projects, I just hate being behind on everything else.
It doesn’t help either, that you feel like you’re expected to keep pushing through it all and give 100% when you just can’t.
There are instances where I know I can get stuff done, but that’s not the problem; the problem is the work ethic we’ve had drilled into us (not only by others but by ourselves) that if you’re not working hard you’re not working at all.
I’m all for success, for achieving the best you can, but I’m also for knowing when to stop. Those days you can’t form sentences, are unable to focus, generally feel you’re not putting 100 into your work, those are days you just don’t want to give at all.
I know I can also be a real lazy arse – when I decided to watch one more episode of Once Upon a Time when I know I shouldn’t, or spend a bit too long in bed in the morning checking social – but damn it guys when did it become such a crime to put yourself and what makes you happy first?
When I was reading Hannah’s posts on 2018 Blog Predictions and Learning to Accept When You Need a Write-Off Day, I actually felt okay and understood for once, that everyone feels stressed and a bit of a flop sometimes because we all think we have to go above and beyond to show we’re actually doing stuff.
I like having the weekends to myself so I can see family and go and do something ‘normal’ like visit a garden centre or go into town, and I like having dinner and a bath and doing three face masks. I like not working past 5pm and I like to get 10 hours sleep. I also really like making dinner.
I like being selfish yet productive with my time, I know what’s going make me excited to get up in the morning and what job will be worthwhile not only for paying the bills but also with my time.
I like feeling excited about taking photos and not pressured to conjure up something last minute, I like finding a rhythm with my daily life and being energised, and I like generally enjoying the work I produce without forcing it.
Whilst this current mood has led to more off-days than I would’ve liked, I feel like I’m ready to be more honest with myself and just try to get my shiz together the way I want to, and it doesn’t mean me sacrificing my time and energy doing something I’d rather have done a better way.
I know we don’t all have the opportunity to throw in the towel one day and pick it back up the next, or are able to meet up with people who can give you a hand, but it’s still demotivating to experience these feelings nonetheless.
The constant hum of ‘killing it’ all the time to be successful will keep leading to write-off days until something changes, and whilst I love doing what I do in my career every day, I do love me more. You can ‘kill it’ less and still be successful.
So if you’re equally feeling tired and trying to push through to meet some invisible score board or criteria, know you’re not alone, and that you’re human, and that your worth and ability can’t be measured by how much you try to push yourself past the breaking point. The only thing you should be stretching is your happiness, not your health.
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