There are some things that we are absolutely certain on in life, things that we can go forward with in great confidence and assurance – e.g. photography, knowing where all the usuals in you shop are located so you can zip around in 10 minutes, that I can get ready in 20 minutes including hair if I have to.
There are also some pretty annoying and dampening worries that like to trip you over at the worst moment, and keep your head and heart held back in those crucial moments that you really wish you could excel in; in an effort to be a little less anxious, here’s 7 that I’ve allowed to take control far too often…
1. LOL I should be working
Ever get that guilty feeling when out and about doing fun things (even if it’s popping to Waitrose for a sandwich and chocolate milk)? That’s literally me, every day. Unless I’m out for events and meetings, I’m always feeling bad unless I’m at my desk actively working, and even then there’s times I’m distracting myself with clips of OUAT or The Office, but as long as I’m at my desk I’m doing the right thing in life *eye rolls* I’ve turned down dates, time with family, and just generally getting out and about to stay attached to my keyboard all day, only then moving to the sofa until bedtime. Sighs…
2. The looming cloud of being unorganised
Oh shit it’s the night before a post is meant to go out (like now) and I’ve not written the words and the pictures are okay but it’ll do, and I’ll get ahead tomorr-oh wait it’s raining and it’ll be dark and I’m out all day and then I have to edit after and arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhh. I should plan more and stay at my desk this weekend…
3. Not being able to eat
One of the main reasons I’ve found internet dating hard is telling people you’re vegan and then explaining that whilst you don’t mind what they eat, you just want to be able to eat something decent (aka not quinoa salad) each time you go out. I’ve been to events and parties and restaurants where you’re told there’ll be something to eat but it’s either got egg in it or isn’t really substantial food i.e bread and a side salad. Cool. I’ll just stay inside then.
4. Fear of rejection
My main worry and fear the last few years is being rejected, hence why I don’t commit to big things, always ask for reassurance, try not to impose or ask to be friends with people incase it ruins everything. It takes a lot for me to ask someone to hang out because I think we’d get along but then all the worries of ‘they’ll be busy, why hang out with me? I don’t feel worthy enough of their time, oh god what if I’m just awkward? I’ll just stay quiet’.
5. What if I’m no good?
This leads on a bit from rejection, the eternal uncertainty of not being good enough – I think every creative or competitive person will experience this, it’s just self-doubt crippling you from making bigger and better choices, but it always takes hold in some form and every now and again will stop you from doing something amazing. It’s a bitch.
6. Travel and circumstances I can’t control
I hate admitting this because it allows others to win, but with the few terrible things that have happened this year I’ve become more and more apprehensive with travel – the Tube is the worst for me, being underground and so busy and packed, and despite wanting to jet off to warmer climates I’ve become a bit anxious over flying (I just want to be on the ground and dislike that period between take off and balancing out) and flying anything over 3-4 hours. It’s one of the safest forms of travel and I’ve never had a problem before, but it’s definitely made an impact I’m still trying to mentally and emotionally untangle.
7. The constant crisis of Trump, Brexit, the fact our generation won’t be able to afford better housing…
Can you blame me?
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