Well isn’t it bloomin’ warm in Blighty at the moment? I can say with all honesty that after being abroad in breezy scorching climates, it actually feels warmer here – madness, although it’s probably the lack of breeze which I’m digging.
As you’ll have seen from all my posts and social media, I got back from Mexico last week and it’s always an odd one coming back from holidays personally – because I don’t travel often, I really switch off on breaks and end up deep inside my head thinking about life, who I am, what I’m doing and so forth until I end up crying over self-help guides. Which I did, classily.
|Earrings, Ear Cuff and Rings c/o Jewellery Box|
This has happened before; when I came home from two weeks in America, I felt this great lack of purpose and awareness in myself and the world, thus quitting my Sunday job and throwing myself more into blogging and trying that out for a while, actually using social media for once to network and grow.
I had all these plans and desires to travel and learn languages, see the Canyon and ‘live life’ but I’m a one-focused person and couldn’t get out the grip of blogging – it was everything, my life was blogging and blogging was my life, I had potential and growth and excitement and I can’t give that all up and spend dolla I don’t have on travelling to fancy places right? It may seem mad but I have slacked a little bit as of recent, and I’m more open minded to a quick trip here or there, not a serious slog just yet because I am not one to enter a hostel after a scarring incident in NYC nor have I got a solid idea of WHERE DO I GO IN THE WORLD. I am quite content with a bit of Spain or Greece for 5 days.
Mainly what I wanted to say was that during my relaxation vacation, to the max sitting by the pool and being so alien to the climate I got heat rash and felt sleepy 6/7 days, is that 90% of the time I was on my own, and I recognised in myself that I felt incredibly lonely. Not just being by the pool by myself (literally no one else was by the pool most days until 2pm) but in life generally. I have friends, great friends and family, but I don’t feel I see them enough or I keep myself in a comfort zone too much to feel okay about organising several dates and lunches to catch up. Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with for a while, it’s clung to me still even after moving and seemingly crept up when I was finally allowed to empty my mind of everything and enjoy my seven books in peace.
I feel better now I’ve come home and reflected on all of this, and it’s pushed and relaxed me in several ways; after posting daily I decided ‘hey I’ll have a week off’ – like hell have I! By allowing myself to sign off, it made it easier for ideas posts to flow so technically I’m on schedule – but I’m not telling myself that, ya know? I even put up an extra video this week so I am on firrreeeee, but I feel chilled.
Basically, I’ll be going back to posting 3 days a week on here and 2 days a week on my channel, but it won’t feel as rigid or ‘argh get that post out’ as before, because daily posting has taught me I can write short and sweet and still be informative – unlike this ramble – and work quickly. I also think I’ll be focusing on beauty more because I decided to try wear all my makeup recently to see what I want to keep and yeah I have some strong ideas; but don’t worry, there are some lifestyle and foodie things coming!
Also, I’m feeling grateful for the opportunities I’ve been having recently with my blog, including shooting some gorgeous Jewellery Box pieces out in Mexico – keep your eyes peeled for my impending world domination. Hopefully. Now, there’s a sun lounger in the garden calling my name…
What have you been up to recently? Are you enjoying this sunnier weather?
Lots of Love,
Post in Collaboration with Jewellery Box. All rambles my own!
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