Evening everyone !
This is a very late night post and I am currently sat on an airbed in my friend’s living room in London, trying to apply for jobs and find a place to live, and I’ve been having to do a lot of thinking…
The past few days have been ‘applying for a job’, ‘applying for a flat’, bugging people, eating bread and cheese and chocolate (owww)..and I’ve had so many mixed emotions and feelings about everything to do with life.
At school at sixth form we are trained into believing university is what we should do and that’s absolute b******t because there’s loads of stuff to do. but you gotta do it for free. and you gotta have some money saved. so you should really have a job…
or you can live the high-flying unemployed life which is what i’m doing currently ! but seriously, I really do want a job and my own place to live with some new people. I want to go out and socialise with people, as if I were at uni. Because with uni, you do move, you go and live with new people in a new town who are your own age. You make these friends and ‘work’ and maybe they’ll be your friends for life and you’ll live in this new town.
But what if you don’t go to uni, and the only way you can leave is if you do it yourself ? The thing I’m finding hard with this is that I want to live in London, so to live in London I need a job, but I can’t get a job until I have a place to stay…and I can’t get a place to stay really until I have a job…
and this is where I get on the verge of ‘I’ll live at home forever or I’ll just be a hermit alone I don’t care.’
Truth is, there is so much pressure put on us all through various sources that is so subtle that when it comes to all the big decisions in life, we all panic ! I have people telling me to work 8-6, work for free, don’t live at home, you can’t not do anything, you can’t have a shit job etc. etc. Then there are people saying have it all, don’t settle for less than the best, you need to have the cleanest and best house and bathroom ever, don’t go for that bathroom it’s peach i hate it. Meanwhile others who are in similar situations say hey, yanno, it’s cool, just don’t spend too much and push hard, you need to be on the ball, but it’s okay.
And that’s where I am, at 11:30pm on a wednesday; tired, endlessly searching, confused and totally pissed at eating all that bread earlier.
All these years leave you so unprepared and this is the time to have someone to turn to, with real advice. My advice (I myself should take it) is if you find something you love, go for it. Put down that deposit. Take a leap. Meet new people. Be happy.
I understand this is probably the most jumbled post ever but I think people my age are so thrust into things and are conflicted with ideas and thoughts of the world that maybe someone just needed to say something.
Anyway, hope you’re all well and I’ll be back soon 🙂
Lots of Love,