I'm going to break this down into two parts - the isolation I feel post-Brexit, and the isolation is feel in my daily life and desires to do things.
Firstly, I don't like to get political, heck up until this year I really wasn't political, and I'll openly admit now that I hadn't voted until this referendum. I always felt I wasn't supposed to vote unless there was a 'worthy cause or candidate' and that it was all rubbish, but I feel it was a sense of just following the only leadership I had in my life until I really read up on what was going on with Europe, and that I wanted to make sure I'd said something to feel I had taken a position on it all.
Usually I get a feeling about things; good people, bad people, whether Cameron would win the 2010 election or Scotland would gain Independence, and usually my senses were right. Last week though, they weren't, and I was scared. I was scared similarly to when I was 7 years old and watched the Twin Towers come down because I was confused and didn't understand what was happening or why, yet feeling completely detached from it all. I was scared similarly to how we had already had a recession but again felt detached as it hadn't really impacted me (that I know of) but now I was facing an uncertain future that was going to affect myself and everyone around me.
Waking up on Friday, I immediately felt alone and detached from the world and a national identity; I couldn't believe the result. I also can't believe the events that happened prior to it and now emerging a week later. Both here and in the US, events are occurring that makes me feel this is more like the 60s, not the forward-thinking, open-minded and strongly aware society of the 2010s. Part of me is in denial, part of me is angry, and part of me wants to keep informed so that I can feel certain in my future. Whilst I feel detached from a national identity, the belief of people and the events unfolding, I still have hope that something will change. I believe in change and I believe in my generation who get social issues and equality and sexuality and politics to rise above stronger and more vocal and powerful than before.
Secondly, I feel isolated in my daily life. A happy homebody who does crave alone time, I was watching some vlogs today and saw people baking cookies for friends coming to visit, picking out board games to play and having fun social excursions even if it was to a local museum - just exploring and gaining knowledge, and I felt isolated that since I've moved I've not really had a group of people come and spend a significant amount of time together whilst relaxing and enjoying ourselves. 99% of my friends blog, work full time jobs or can't always make time to come down, so it can be difficult to co-ordinate, but right now I really want to gather some of my favourite people that I miss, serve lovely food, sit in the garden, play some games and just chill; switch off and relax, have them stay over and have hot chocolates.
Whilst I impose my own self-isolation, there is a separate kind that I wish was gone; the kind where I look out the window and feel trapped in my bubble, not exploring the county, restricting myself with reasons not to do something, and feeling lost when people aren't around. Social media is great and all, but when there's no one within 10 minutes to drop by and have a break with, it's not the same.
Isolation can be frightening, it can also be controlling and selfish. Turning that isolation into open and vocal decision and thought is something much more scary, yet much more powerful. And what is worse? Being isolated and unheard, or scared yet prepared to make a change?
Lots of Love,
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