I started a Happiness journal just over a month ago, in dire need of some direction and addressing why I was in such a funk. Looking back over the entries, I wish I could give myself a hug and whisper 'hey it's okay, you have no idea how happy you are about to become, how it's all going to turn out better and more, and if you keep doing what you're doing now, you are going to be so grateful for everything.'
I won't lie, I've forgotten to write in the diary for the last 7 days, and each time I quickly fill it in there's the usual 'take photos, saw a friend' but there are also 'OH SHIT HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!' moments that now, I'm fully open and accepting of.
The reason I got the book in the first place was a Bio Oil campaign on women who wanted to wear a piece of clothing but felt their scars made them too self-conscious to do so, and I could completely relate; my acne had produced deep blemishes across my shoulders and back, leaving marks and scabs in places where wearing a bikini was made impossible. Thankfully it's healed now, and whilst my face has a bit of clearing to do, for the first time in months I have bought (and worn) a very back revealing dress. And I didn't feel ashamed, I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel self-conscious, and it was amazing. Amazingly normal. It didn't feel like a big deal, and it's crazy how a change in something that worries you can really affect your happiness.
Recently a chain of events occurred that I have now come to believe are linked and almost a test of my own desire and willingness to be happy and achieve what I wanted. I was tested in many areas and belief - spending money on things I didn't think I was ready for, self-blame and frustration at not being in control, things over the years that have hindered so so many opportunities and experiences.
Now, I'm in a place where daily I'm excited, able to say yes and commit to great things, and actually living my dream (more on that in another post though ;) ). I'm photographing people, working with people I admire and building my skills, plus realising that I'm actually kinda good at what I'm doing, and that makes me so happy.
It may sound crazy, but I've already come to the conclusion that if this is as good as 2016 gets for me, I'd be ecstatic. But of course, happiness only leads to more happiness and good things, so I'm pretty sure it's all up from here, and I don't feel it's too presumptive to say that either which is amazing in itself.
Happiness is when you start to feel worth.
Happiness is when you realise you created the opportunity that led to something significant.
Happiness is when you can look around at yourself in the moment and feel content yet open for more.
Happiness is when you create opportunities to show your real self and work through the twist and turns, finally reaching your goal and realising it was all you, and always you.
How do you feel about happiness?
Lots of Love,
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