So I'm standing on the platform waiting for my train to Gatwick when I get a light bulb moment: I am Liz Gilbert. Not literally Liz Gilbert because only Liz is truly Liz but for years since reading and watching Eat Pray Love, I have always wanted to be Liz Gilbert; free spirit, traveller, experience maker and a woman who was on a conquest to find herself and come out of it all the beautiful and well rounded human who is also completely awesome and knows how to bump up the vibes of everyone around her.
Initially this post was about why I'm sad, stressed, tired with no clear reason to how or why - am I not getting enough nutrients from my diet? Has a lack of enjoyment for food and activities around it made me depressed? Am I taking too much on and regretting this minuscule pressure which in comparison to others is literally the size of a cell inside an ant, a crumb of digestive or maybe the size of my avocado toast once it's been fully devoured i.e non-existent. Either which way, wasn't feeling great, haven't been for a while, but I didn't know why I wasn't because it was so many things. But after a little cry and a pep talk from mum - because mum's know how to prop you up either way you decide to handle a situation - I got on that platform and had the realisation that I am Liz Gilbert in my own way, travelling off to Ibiza by myself for the first time ever (yes I'm 22 and this is my first holiday alone) and I can make of it what I want. Sure I'll be seeing Zoe in the morning and evenings but for the most part I'll be free to do as I please. So I could sit on a terrace writing a post with some orange juice - quite familiar and safe but hey that's the Med out there how fancy and I'm sat in my bikini and beach dress because dressing gowns are for fools here, or I could be really brave and leave the house and go explore - I will admit that I haven't researched anything about Ibiza or where I am in relation to shops so that'll be interesting. But isn't that what travel is all about? Even if it's Ibiza or a new city or town and just 10 minutes down the road? Not being really sure or certain of yourself and situation but just doing it?
I am a little overwhelmed (okay, a lottle) because I'm a creature comforts girl at heart who likes home safety and security, a nice early bed time which recently I haven't had, and time in my own in the morning to watch YouTube videos because I am groggy please let me wake up and keep my mind switched off, but I'm going to try and keep all the panic subsided for a few days, and let myself know it's okay and I don't need to worry and things get done and I can live life and enjoy myself.
Liz once said that happiness is the consequence of personal effort which is my favourite quote ever, and it's true, you create your own happiness, you just have to be brave enough to go or there and allow it.
P.S After I wrote this I cried twice in security because I forgot it was 100ml max for all liquids and had to decide the fate of many products I needed/were too expensive to chuck but not essential. I definitely sobbed over deodorant. Thank you kind security lady for being sympathetic and letting me keep my MAC lipstick. You're why I like humanity sometimes.
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